Sunday 19 January 2014

Things to Say to a Pregnant Woman, If You Don't Want to Live

I've heard my fair share of unpleasant comments when I was pregnant and everyone knows I don't do well pregnant. Knowing that I'm not the only one, I've got some of the Singapore Mom Bloggers to share the things they disliked hearing people say to them when they are/were pregnant.

Unless you want to incur the wrath of a very cranky and unpredictable carrier of a human being and die before your time from her murderous glare, you should probably think twice before making such comments to a pregnant woman:

#1: Question the legitimacy of her unborn baby

"'Is this an accident? Where is the father?' (since hubby is always not in town)"
-- Irene Soh, Singapore Mom Blogs

"'You married or not?' ('cos I don't wear any rings on my fingers)"
-- Mabel Lee, Amazingly Still

#2: Insist on her baby's gender, even when informed otherwise
If she says it's a girl, no matter how 'pointed' the belly is, it's still a girl (-_-). It's not rocket science.

"'This one boy ah?' And when I said girl (for my daughter Zoie), she gave me the once-over for the second time and said, 'No la. Boy.' Thankew veli much leh Aunty."
-- Sandra Tan, Sanses

"'This one also boy right? Girl?! Sure not? Cannot be la! This one confirm boy! Tell the doctor check again!' said the Aunty selling food at the coffeeshop."
-- Mabel Lee, Amazingly Still

"When I was pregnant with Vera, my bellybutton was pushed out. One stranger commented, 'Oh must be a boy!!' Even after telling her that the scan showed that it's a girl, she continued, 'No lah, impossible leh. Look at your bellybutton!'"
-- Serene Seah, Xavvy-licious

"I can't stand the remark 'You are expecting a boy? Tummy looks so pointed, surely a boy'. When I said, 'No it's a girl', they scanned me from top to toe and said, 'Really looks like boy, must be!'. Faint. Made me paranoid after I heard it a few times from different people!"
-- Cheryl Tan, PriviKids

#3: Advise her to have another baby of a different gender
Has it ever occurred to you that some people might be perfectly ok with having 3 boys?

"I hate gender preferences type of comments. I had people tell me, 'Oh, girl ah, THEN YOU MUST HAVE #2. HAVE A BOY!' Stooopid!"
-- Alicia Tan, Beanie N Us

"'Is it a boy or girl?' When I was carrying my #2, the follow up question will almost always be '2 boys? So next one girl la?'"
-- Sandra Tan, Sanses

#4: Comment on her appearance, weight gain, or lack thereof
Appearance and weight gain is super sensitive for most women (and even some men) but even more so for a ballooning and constantly exhausted pregnant woman! Any negative talk of her looking like a whale/hippo/walrus is ill-advised. Even if her hair's in a mess and she cannot wear her pretty clothes any more, you better suck it up and tell her that she looks freaking amazing!

"When I was pregnant with #1, I was super plagued by acne. Can have 20 over pimples at one go. My mother-in-law kept looking at my face during dinner and exclaimed, 'AIYO WHY LIKE THAT HUH. NOT NORMAL LEH. OMG THE PIMPLE SO BIG!' Better still, anyone that we met together, she will ask them to see the pimples on my face! Really TMD lo!"
-- Cen-Lin Ting, Miracule

"'You look so tired.' Tell me something I don't know." 
-- Sandra Tan, Sanses

"While pregnant with Poppy: 'Wah you really put on weight leh', 'I don't think so' (I only gained 12kg for Poppy). 'No la. Really. Put on so much weight. So fat!', 'I don't think so'. 'Ya la. See your nose so big! Wah so big!' Thanks. Just, thanks."
-- Adora Tan, Gingerbreadmum

"I never bothered about what people said, good or bad.. (even though they) often said to me, 'wah, your tummy so big, twins ah.' It's only when I am NOT pregnant and people asked, 'when are you due?' That got to me a bit. But after a while it didn't bother me any more and I would reply, 'don't know leh, overdue for 2 years liao, still don't wanna come out!' ;-p
-- Seng Tzer Jing, The Kam Family

On the flip side, unless she has an eating disorder, do not comment on her smaller frame as well. Small bellies do not lead to small babies!

"I'm blessed to have not put on much weight during my pregnancy with Yasmin. But so many people tell me, 'Eh, you too skinny lah. Eat more... Must eat for baby ok. Don't starve the baby. You want baby to be not chubby and cute/malnutrition/skinny/premature?' They never see how much I ate, hahaha! I didn't gorge myself, I just made sure I ate enough just before getting too full. 
-- Danessa, Prayerful Mum

#5: Instruct a pregnant woman on what to eat
Most pregnant women have very qualified obstetricians to advise her on what she should or should not eat. You are not her doctor! If a nauseous and exhausted pregnant mother is craving for a chocolate chip cupcake overflowing with honey made from African bees, you jolly well let her have it. Paired with a glass of ice cold Coke Light. Just saying.

"I can't stand it when people told me to 'Eat more! Eat more! You need to eat double portion'"
-- Amie Chen, Mamamie's Thots

"When people tell me what to eat or not to eat, I just roll my eyes and eat what they told me not to eat right in front of them. Nothing happened."
-- Mabel Lee, Amazingly Still

#6: Tell her to have more kids
For some of us, 1 is more than enough, much less 4.

"So when is #4?"
-- Dominique Goh, Dominique's Desk

#7: Tell her that she's having too many kids
She already knows what a challenge having more than 1 kid is. She doesn't need you to rub it in her face and make her doubt herself.

"'This one number 2? Have so many for what?'"
-- Mabel Lee, Amazingly Still

Mums, any others to add? Do share! =)
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